Burnley fan the answer to Venkys’ problems?

Blackburn Rovers might be struggling for stability at the moment but a solution could be just down the road in Burnley.

Clarets fan James McDonough has thrown his hat in the ring for the job, and his odds have even been slashed to 100/1 from 500/1 with one betting site.

Dear Mr. Singh.

I write to you in application for the recently vacated manager’s job at Blackburn Rovers Football Club.

Having spent six years in management I feel I have the necessary credentials for the position and would relish the opportunity to help play a key role in taking the club to the next level.

My first role in management was as customer service manager for my current employer and it was here where I developed my skills which will set me in good stead for this challenge. I have an NVQ4 in Business Management and I am currently studying towards PRINCE2 accreditation in Project Management.

Being local to the club I have a great understanding of the ethos and goals of The Club and I want to become a part of that success. Ever since The Venkys have taken over Rovers I have had a great admiration for the work you are conducting. Having played on Ewood Park myself in front of over 100 fans and indeed scoring a hat trick in the process, I understand what it takes to be a successful part of such an environment. Further viewing can be seen at this link. Furthermore I know the area extremely well. My good friend John Kearney still buys his shoes from Tommy Balls so I have contacts throughout the area.

I understand you have a two year plan to get out of this division, but given the opportunity I am confident in my ability to manage to hit that target this season. My first goal would be to achieve the unprecedented success of back to back relegations. Given insufficient resources and a two year contract I am confident that by 2014/15 we could truly see the dream of a Blackburn / Accrington derby in a league fixture.

Despite being slightly more hirsute than the previous three incumbents I think I should still be able to achieve similar success to Messrs. Kean, Berg and Appleton. To keep in line with the bald theme though I would like to bring my own back room staff. Assistant manager would be Philip Lee. He has eight years account management experience and has been bald for since 2002. Physio would be Ian Scott. He has no medical qualifications but does have a dodgy knee and has been bald for thirteen years. Head coach would Be Steven Horne AKA Sted Head Ste. He has absolutely no idea about football so should fit in well within the structure of the club. He does not possess a bald head but his mother still shaves his back. Steven is devoted to his weight training and I think this is something he can implement into Rovers regime. To give you an idea of the sort of training Steven does, his biceps are bigger than Grant Hanley’s head. No mean feat!

On a personal level I think we could work really well together. I have a huge love for Indian food and I regularly receive ‘mates rates’ discount at Bombay Lounge in Barrowford. So with a mutual appetite I think this could be a win-win situation for us both. I particularly recommend the Garlic Josh with Pilau Rice and two chapattis. I know Nurul Hoque the owner very well and would love to introduce you. Nurul also sponsored the game which I participated in at Ewood Park. Perhaps we could come to some kind of negotiation over chicken supply. Again a benefit which could be reciprocated.

My football background includes managing The Princess Royal to unprecedented success in the Warburton’s Sunday League Burnley Division Two. Unfortunately we were placed under a transfer embargo for fielding ineligible players (‘Irish’ Johnny Champkin and the suspended Michael Webb) and we ultimately went into liquidation. I do still however have contacts within the game. With 587 goals in 376 Sunday league appearances I am a hugely respected figure within the game. I also know Gaz Evans (bald since circa. 1948).

I would welcome the opportunity for interview and I enclose my CV which details further information about my career including success as a manager on the continent. Notably my relegation of VFL Osnabruck of the German Bundesliga2 on Football Manager. My favourite formation is ‘The Christmas Tree’ Adopted by Terence Venables in Euro 96.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely Mr. James WP McDonough, NVQ 4

PS – Willing to shave head if necessary

The Author

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