With Christmas just around the corner, Neil Sherwin has put together a list of top, top gifts your loved ones would no doubt be delighted to receive this year.
1. Liverpool’s Anfield shirt
The fashion gurus at Liverpool have come up with an item of clothing that equally wouldn’t look out of place on the oche during the darts at Sheffield or on the beaches of Hawaii. This monstrosity will set you back £40 and was penciled in to form part of the uniform worn by Jen Chang’s letterbox shitters. Hopefully another use is found for it very soon.
2. Manchester City’s garden tools
When you’re the world’s richest club you can afford to throw your money about a bit, and it seems that Manchester City are doing that off the pitch as well as on it. Whoever put in an order from suppliers for these tools probably did so in an attempt to corner the gardening / football market, though it’s hard to imagine them shifting many at £11 a pop.
3. Manchester United’s touchline bubblegum
Were you ever curious about what Sir Alex Ferguson is constantly chewing on during Manchester United’s games? Well the mystery has been solved thanks to the club’s Megastore, and for just £0.63 you too can enjoy “touchline bubblegum”. It’s strawberry flavour and halal too…in case you’re wondering.
4. Norwich City’s brick
That’s right folks, if you have a spare £50, why not get your loved one’s name immortalised in dried earth? Available from the Canary Store, you can “join our City heroes Paul Lambert, Grant Holt, Wes Hoolahan, Adam Drury, Dean Ashton, Efan Ekoku, Michael Foulger and Alf Kirchen on the new Hall of Fame 2012 wall within the Aviva Community Stand at Carrow Road”. Thankfully, all bricks come with a certificate of authenticity just in case anyone questions their validity.
5. West Ham’s wheelie bin sticker
“Never lose your wheelie bin, decorate it with a bin sticker.” How can you possibly argue with logic like that? There’s nothing worse than going out to the road after the bins have been emptied only to spend ten minutes trying to figure out which one is yours. Of course, most normal people simply etch their house number on their bin to avoid the aforementioned scenario, but there’s nothing like a big fuck off Hammers crest to set yours apart from the rest.
6. Newcastle’s lingerie collection
Forget La Senza, Victoria’s Secret and those other high end brands, the Newcastle United shop has you covered when it comes to your lady’s sexy underwear needs. From thongs to garters to boy shorts, you’ll soon have her looking hotter than Kevin Keegan in budgie smugglers.
7. QPR’s Ji Sung Park iPhone case
Only a cynic would suggest that Ji Sung Park was brought to Loftus Road to increase Queens Park Rangers’ profile in Asia, but there is a case for the prosecution when the majority of the club’s player specific merchandise is dedicated to him. The South Korean has been immortalised in baseball caps, t-shirts, hoodies, mugs and keyrings but it’s the iPhone case which stands out for us.
8. Everton’s organic lip balm
You have to hand it to football clubs, they’ve pretty much covered all the bases these days. Chapped lips on a freezing cold matchday in January? No problem, simply duck in to the club shop at half time, grab one of these bad boys and you’ll be right as rain in no time. The lip balm only costs £2.75 so probably best not to select the gift wrap option when buying online as the service will set you back more than double the price of the item.
9. Aston Villa’s pet shirt
Unsurprisingly this product is only available in small because people with real canines don’t put stupid looking outfits on them. However, if you know someone with a rat-like ‘dog’ then this could be handy on those cold winter strolls from the living room to the bedroom.
10. Tottenham’s soothers
While their primary function is to keep babies quiet, there are a few adults still struggling to get over Harry Redknapp’s departure that could make very good use of these. Could also work well with a three pack of bibs for the Gareth Bale droolers.
Spotted any great gifts in your club’s store? Let us know below.