Man Utd’s Top 10 Wishes

by Kevin Coleman

BPF’s resident United fan, and regular match-goer Ed Diggins lists his top ten wishes for his beloved club in 2010.

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1 – LUHG.

Love United Hate Glazer. Last week’s financial statements has caused mayhem amongst united fans everywhere. While I never for once will believe that United will ever enter total Financial trouble, as the income Stream is too vast, the image and overall foundation of the club is being threatened by these men from the West. Their poor business lending management has not affected our on pitch antics since they took over, but this could all rapidly change within a year, once the balance sheets start to totally implore.  Rumours of consortiums here and there are interested, we have been hearing about trips to Qatar  and bonds this and that, but most are perhaps, without foundation. A debt free United, operating with a healthy operating profit, free of Inflating ticket prices and failed transfers. Quite Simply, Fu*k off and sell the club please.

2 – Berba Goal.

Berbatov is almost the complete footballer, almost. To watch him live is a joy, But something just is not just quite right. With him in the side, I think United are a far better side. He is never going to score 25 goals in a season, but likewise, 7 goals season to date just aint enough. His work-rate is up and performances, injuries aside, have been better than last season, BUT, more goals please sir.

3 – Nani, Nani, Nani, fooooooooooootballl.

On the Podge and Rodge show many years back, they sang a song “if you ever stick a banger up your arse on Christmas Eve”. I hope somebody light a banger or a fire up this lads ass over Christmas as he, in my opinion, has plenty to offer. After a sparkling first season, topping the assists charts at Old Trafford and some cracking goals, last season was a poor substitute. He began the season brightly with 2 cracking goals and 2 assists, but we have hardly seen him rise above the mediocre since…..wish number 3, Nani, please sir, can I have some more…

4 – David Villa.

Does not need much detail. Best player out there in the world, who is technically “available”. i.e. from a non direct opponent and actually quite good. Fergie, sign him up. however, this is unlikely to happen anytime soon I am afraid.

5 – An Injury Free Carrington.

Against, pretty easy. To be without some major players, albeit all defenders (plus Giggs and Hargreaves) and only be 4 points behind so called flying Chelsea, is quite pleasing. 10 players missed last the dismal defeat to Fulham, and with most of those in the latter stages of treatment, an injury free January is most important. Vidic and Rio are rumored to be back for tomorrows trip to the Council House, and with Van Der Sar now back, Rafael and Fabio fully fit, the signs are good.

6 – Back to the future.

I saw a quote a while back, ill give you Ronaldo and your 80m if I can have Ryan Giggs for the same age. Now, thats a little bit OTT, but i can where he was coming from. While Giggs, is argubly playing the best ball of his life right now, the prospect of having another Era of Ryan Giggs would be too much to resist. The lad is like your best mates Milf,who has discovered make up, Knee high boots and push up bras in her mid 30′s and suddenly realised that she aint got long left to pull in the crowds. In reality, a similar 2010 to 2009 will do me fine for now.

7 – Gary Neville.

I never criticise United players. Bias and defending the indefensible are two things that I am always accused of by opposition fans. However, I have run out of reasons to support this man. Gary, you were once a legend and a top red. But now, please, it is time to go. You were embarrassing against Leeds and on Saturday against Burnley. You have been replaced and its time to move upstairs and give the young lads a chance. Thanks for everything.

8 – Shall we sing a song for you?

Lets be honest. The atmosphere at most football grounds these days is muted. While Geoffrey, Cliff, Clarence and George plank their bums on the silk coated seats in the exec boxes, the real football die hards are being priced into the pubs. Grounds all over the country are getting less populated every week. Its easier than ever to get tickets at United. As a result, atmospheres are being diluted by tourists who don’t even know who is playing in front of them. Let’s keep the ticket prices down, let’s get the real fans back into the ground and those who are lucky enough to see the Champions of England play every week, open your mouths and sing your hearts out. Leave the moaning, complaining, player bashing to the Liverpool and Arsenal fans please.

9 – Oh Owen Hargreaves….

You are the love of my life, oh Owen Hargreaves id let you shag my wife…well, I don’t have a wife, nor do I want curly hair, in fact, I don’t particularly like the song, but you know what I mean. Surely all United fans want this man back in the team and see him strutting his stuff up and down  the pitch. Get well soon, please.

10 – Number 19.

Au Revoir Cantona, come back when you’ve won 18. Well, we did and nous sommes retournés. Lets officially knock them off their f*cking perch now. The only negative aspect of this, would perhaps see Fergie pack his golf bags and his chewing gum and hit the loungers in Cuba for good……

You can contact Ed through ed [at] backpagefootball.com

2 Responses

  1. Very good wishes, have to say David Villa would be the ideal signing and would compliment Rooney brilliantly. I dread to think him going to Chelsea as his pace and Drogba’s bullying would rip teams to shreds. If he went to Liverpool which is allegedly what Torres is pushing for because poor ‘Nando only thinks that spanish players are good enough it would see them rocket up the table. That being said just like you i cant see us getting Villa full stop – but we can hope.

    Just want to go back to the 2 points that you mentioned about Gary Neville and Berbatov. Firstly Neville simply has to retire at the end of the season, we need to think about the future of the club so we need to either bring in another right back or promote one from the reserves. Rafael’s good but defenisvly as shown during the City defeat needs to bulk up abit and correct that mistake. Neville has to go at end of season, and hey he’ll no doubt be around coaching in the youth/reserves – after all the experience he’s got will help them loads.

    In fact whilst we’re on defenders Wes Brown needs to be sold ASAP, know he’s loyal and he’s had his injuries but his performance v Leeds was shocking and as a fan i sadly have no confidence in him (almost how i felt how Silvestre around 2005-2006 when quite frankly he was an embarrasment).

    Regarding Berbatov, quite simply i am not a fan of his and although on his day he can be good, he goes missing in the big games and is simply someone who i dont think mentally can handle being at United.

    Never mind the injuries and the fact that last season he never was match-fit to begin with due to his problems of not training at Spurs. Quite simply with him in the team – in the really big games he does not do the team credit. Yes the team perhaps could help him out but i think we look more threatening without him in the team. Thats my opinion though! lol

    One thing that i would like to see Fergie do is maybe loan out Macheda to anyone so he can get some proper games. With us going out of the FA Cup there will quite frankly not be any oppportunities for him to play which is a shame as he looks like a star in the making.

    I’d like to see him get loaned out to somebody in Italy/Spain – dare say it perhaps loan him out to Lazio who lets face it are in the shit themselves in finance and perhaps a loan to the end of the season could help the relations b/w the clubs. Good read!

  2. Falcao says:

    Can Man United get No. 19 this season? Let’s wait for miracle. :)

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