Mock The Weak #3

Since my last instalment (where I made light of Nicklas Bendtner’s ability as a footballer), the Dane has gone on to score a hat-trick against Porto and a late match-winner against Hull. This can lead us to one of two conclusions: either I was wrong (possible) or the opposition on those occasions were of a poor standard (likely). Evidence of the first argument has been lacking, my PA has been searching all day for previous proof of me being incorrect. On the other hand Hull are a team who were managed at the time by loveable scamp Phil Brown (luckily for Hull, they now have relegation expert Iain Dowie in his spot) and when it comes to Porto, all I’ll say is that a good friend of mine never trusts a black goalkeeper or a ‘keeper wearing tracksuit bottoms. I’d say Bendtner was salivating when he saw Helton da Silva Arruda togged out in his trackies.

It seems there may be some unrest in the Chelsea dressing room. Everyone’s favourite Ivorian Chelsea striker, Didier Drogba, has apparently been unhappy that he’s coming across as a kind of, sort of, alright-ish type of bloke when compared to teammates John Terry and Ashley Cole. In a bid to stake his claim as Chelsea’s most unlikeable staff member, Drogba decided to swing a petulant stamp at Inter’s Thiago Motta when he was resigned to Chelsea crashing out of Europe. One thing I will applaud Didier for is his methodical timing. While JT and Cashley just disgrace themselves willy nilly, Didier seems to wait until nights of Chelsea European demise to shame himself. Having studied the form of both Drogba and Chelsea, I predict Drogba’s next moment(s) of disgrace will take place in or around match day 6 of the group stages for next season’s Champions League.

I, like a lot of other people, tuned into Eurosport/SSN at 11am to see the Champions League Quarter Final draw. Little did I know that I’d be waiting until after half 11 to see what teams were going to facing one another. Luckily, we had UEFA General Secretary, Gianni Infantino to keep us entertained. Good ol’ Gianni told us on several occasions who the eight teams left in the draw were and also made us blissfully aware that the final of the tournament would take place on May 22nd. Also, in case anyone was wondering, Infantino also went on to explain why the final is taking place on a Saturday evening for the first time. The answer is to give more loveable children the opportunity to enjoy the match live and in person with their families. That must also be why tickets are prices range between €90-€300 (with the obligatory €32 admin fee).

Spare a thought for poor Stefan Maierhofer. Not only is the Austrian more than likely to be in selection limbo at Wolves, but he doesn’t seem to understand the concept of the loan system and the fact that he’ll have to return to Molineux following his 28 day spell at Bristol City. “I don’t have a clue why I’ve not been in the team. Kevin Doyle cost £6.5 million, so he has to play, yet he has just got six goals in 25 games which is not great. The manager told me I lacked match practice after my operation, then Keogh came back from a three-month lay-off, trained for two days and then played against Bolton and Manchester United. I feel like they are taking the piss out of me,” complained the Austrian striker last week. Personally, while I may have my doubts about his playing ability, I see big potential in his punditry career and I feel Sky should snap him up on a pre-contract.

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Pat Mitchell

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