It’s funny to laugh at the misfortune of others, isn’t it? That sounds harsh, and it is, but that’s just the human condition.
The Germans have a word for it: schadenfreude, whilst we just have hit TV shows such as You’ve Been Framed and articles like this one…
First up a classic- the Bryan Robson and Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne incident involving a bed and a broken toe. (It’s not as saucy as it sounds!)
There are a few versions of this story knocking around. Some say it was some kind of strength test, some that Gazza was causing an unwanted rumpus in Robson’s hotel room late at night and some that Gazza was simply asleep in Robson’s bed.
Whatever the reason, Robson ended up lifting his hotel bed up off the floor to try and shake Gazza out of it. Somewhere along the line he managed to drop the thing on his toe.
Whether it was a heavy oak bedframe or what isn’t clear but it was clearly weighty enough to do some serious damage as it meant a broken toe and sadly an early return from the 1990 World Cup for poor Robson!
If that last tale produced an uncomfortable mental image then you might want to avert your mind’s eye from this next one as it’s even more gruesome.
Now footballers are sometimes stereotyped as being rather stupid and doubtless that’s unfair in the majority of cases; but when it comes to striker Darius Vassell it might be spot on. One day he noticed that he had a blood blister on his toe…that’s strange…what a funny looking thing…I know what I’ll do….
The next moment he was attempting to remove it with a power drill of all things. Needless to say, the results of his foray into DIY surgery were not pretty.
Bump in the Night
Liam Lawrence (nice ring to the name that one, but it’s not a patch on these) proved that a dog is not always man’s best friend when he had a tangle with his pooch in the middle of the night.
Presumably the lights were off and the dog was sleeping outside the bathroom or somewhere unaccustomed because the next thing the flightless winger knew was that he was tripping over his beloved pet and tumbling smartly down the stairs.
A ridiculous incident, but then some players are dogged by injury…!
Keeper Dave Beasant found himself in the kitchen one day preparing some nourishing fare.
Whether he’d been inspired to do some flaring, Tom Cruise style in Cocktail, or quite what was going through his head is unclear as this incident long pre-dates the bottle flipping craze; but when he dropped a bottle of salad cream he instinctively tried to save it… using his foot.
Unfortunately the bottle and the foot collided in just the wrong way and Beasant found himself with a nicely torn tendon. He was out for a couple of months and felt very unlike the cat that got the cream.
So what can we take away from all this? Well we’ve learnt that power drills and blood blisters aren’t a match made in heaven. We’ve also discovered that beds are best left for sleeping on and that balls, not bottles, are best for kicking.